Man Fat

Due to department re shuffles and “enlightened” management, there has been a spate of people leaving where I work. This was starting to become fairly expensive as people kept asking me to chip in for there leaving presents, and then go out for the goodbye meal. The meal I am ok with, because I get a good feed and inevitably get smashed and stagger home. The presents however were always expensive and (in my opinion) crap. So I decided to come up with a purse pleasing, eco friendly goodbye present in the form of a heart felt email. Hold up, I know what your thinking. “An email is not a present and that is so cheap!”. Yes it is cheap (that’s the idea) and the present is the time I took to produce this one of a kind message (15mins… Max). The one I produced is printed below with the names blanked to protect…. me mainly:

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—–Original Message—–
> From: XXXXXX, XXXXXX
> Sent: 11 November 2009 15:09
> To: XXXXXX, Lizzie
> Subject: I can not believe this is Goodbye
>
> Hi Lizzie,
>
> I apologise if it seams I have been a bit distant recently but there is a reason for it. Now you are leaving I feel that I can now tell you without fear of what you will say in return. As we are work colleges I would not be sure what you would say or how you would feel and it might have made working together uncomfortable, to say the least. I have happy memories of when we use to go out walking together and feel as though I grew closer to you as I got to know you as a person.  You are a smart and funny person who made working at NYP allot more bearable, sometimes I even looked forward to coming to work. As I grew to understand you my feelings began to change and I soon realised that I was thinking about you all the time and it was starting to effect my home life. I knew that I could not do anything about the way I felt so I decided to distance myself from you in an effort to reduce the intensity of my feelings and put things into perspective. With you leaving I can tell you without the fear of months of rejection and can finally get of my chest the way I feel about, your bingo wings…
>
> Would you expect anything less from me Dizzie…
>
> Hope you have a cracking time at your new job and I could not be happier for you (I feel even feel a bit excited). It has been fun working with you and I will genuinely miss you once you have gone.
>
>
> XXXX x

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What better gift to give than the gift of laughter… or embarrassment. Please feel free to copy this email and send it onto someone you know who is leaving but, be warned! This really should not be sent to people without a sense of humour or fat birds, as it might result in you joining the leaver at the end of the dole queue.